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Post by buddyrydell on Apr 14, 2004 0:31:25 GMT -5
Hello all,
I'm just curious as to what attitudes most people here have towards interracial dating. I'd especially like to hear from any fellow Americans out there as we are the most diverse people and thus, are most likely to engage in interracial dating/marriage. I personally have nothing against it and am not racist in any way, in fact I have friends who either have or have been involved in interracial relationships. I've seen plenty of attractive females of all races/ethnicities but I must admit I am a bit apprehensive when it comes to approaching a woman of color just because I can't see myself comfortable with all the stares from strangers or jokes coming from friends or family. I know this sounds childish or close-minded but that's just how I am, and I'm quite sure that I'm not the only guy who feels this way. Many of my friends feel the same way, not racist but just apprehensive about societial or familial disapproval. My group of friends is pretty diverse too, we have WASPs, Jews, Hispanics, Asians, and more. I come from a mostly Italian background myself. Anyone else know what I'm talking about?
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Post by murphee on Apr 14, 2004 18:37:57 GMT -5
Good question. I do know what you are talking about. In my youth, I dated many different kinds of Americans. It did drive my family a bit crazy. I was looking for my true love and figured that maybe it would be found in unexpected places ;D Then, I quit dating altogether for several years (too risky emotionally & physically) and after that I met and married my Caucasian husband. From my past experience, it was like I was able to see into other worlds, how Americans other than myself lived...I don't recommend it if it doesn't feel right to you & it is definitely not shameful to feel that way...not in the least.
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Post by buddyrydell on Apr 14, 2004 23:17:31 GMT -5
Murphee thank you for your response. I suppose you're right in that some may feel more comfortable engaging in interracial dating whereas others (such as myself) may not. I'm glad that there are many who don't see this as a sign of bigotry. There are many in all backgrounds who don't feel especially comfortable in interracial relationships.
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Post by murphee on Apr 15, 2004 0:20:23 GMT -5
Yes, as you describe it, I see it as a matter of preference, not bigotry.
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Post by sublime on Apr 15, 2004 5:34:49 GMT -5
Buddyrydell, the question is "where do you draw the line when it comes to not engaging in race mixing?" Do you use a coarse definition of race such as caucasoid, negroid & mongloid, or do you use a much the finer definition of sub-race. On another point, what role does nationality play in dating?
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Post by eufrenio on Apr 15, 2004 7:19:35 GMT -5
Good question. I do know what you are talking about. In my youth, I dated many different kinds of Americans. It did drive my family a bit crazy. I was looking for my true love and figured that maybe it would be found in unexpected places ;D Then, I quit dating altogether for several years (too risky emotionally & physically) and after that I met and married my Caucasian husband. From my past experience, it was like I was able to see into other worlds, how Americans other than myself lived...I don't recommend it if it doesn't feel right to you & it is definitely not shameful to feel that way...not in the least. Murphee, was your family not confortable with you dating gentiles, or just the more "exotic" gentiles?
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Post by nordicyouth on Apr 15, 2004 8:57:38 GMT -5
I think another factor that should be considered is marriage, because while someone may be quite indiscrimanate about who they date, they may be very specific about the type of person (race, subrace, nationality, etc.) who they marry. I come from an area of Canada that could probably be described as the race-mixing capital of the world; where people engage in this (or don't) with the least pressure either way. In Canada we have a negligible population of Blacks, but rather a large group of Asians esp. from Hong Kong (they fled the Communist takeover). Personally, I would probably not date one simply because many WM/AF couples exist and continue on into marriage, etc. I read about this phenomenon and heard that it is the AFs driving this because they associate WMs with an escape from a 'traditional' life. At the same time, the people largely of British-Irish descent (Canadians proper) bored the hell outta me on the basis of personality - when I was younger I felt I'd end up with an exotic African woman, but now I'm aiming for a European chick, simply because due to what's happening in N. America I find THAT exotic now. lol. I think the whole Med-Nordic debate is stupid, while I'd probably marry a Nordic girl (Scandinavian, German, Dutch, etc - not English cause they age quickly lol ), I find Med chicks incredibly hot, plus they have that sexy personality - passed on to their Latin descendants. Based on looks, attitude, (future), I'd prob. be discriminating towards a European (CONTINENTAL) chick or one of that descent in N. America.
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Post by murphee on Apr 15, 2004 11:44:50 GMT -5
eufrenio--both! I was told when I was growing up that it was expected of me to not date Gentiles of any kind. As a young child, I did the math and realized that if I restricted myself to a tiny group as my dating pool, then my chances of finding 'true love' may be very slim indeed. I also never saw Gentiles as people I didn't want to mix with. Though I loved my family, and especially adored and respected both my parents, many times I felt I was born into the wrong family. They were fast-paced New Yorkers; I, from a young age, dreamed of nothing but moving away and living in some rural paradise with fresh air, a snail's pace of life and quiet, friendly locals. I was kind of a rebel. By the time I met the right man at age 31, my parents didn't care anymore about the Jewish/Gentile issue; they only cared if the man I chose to be with was a good person and not too 'exotic.' At the time I met him in 1988, my husband was a mechanic, and he was from a small town in Texas. His backround was about as far as it could be from mine. Yet, we had the same likes and dislikes, completely compatible personalities and a total attraction to each other. When my family met him, they thought that he was as wonderful as I did.
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Post by eufrenio on Apr 15, 2004 14:17:18 GMT -5
eufrenio--both! I was told when I was growing up that it was expected of me to not date Gentiles of any kind. As a young child, I did the math and realized that if I restricted myself to a tiny group as my dating pool, then my chances of finding 'true love' may be very slim indeed. I also never saw Gentiles as people I didn't want to mix with. Though I loved my family, and especially adored and respected both my parents, many times I felt I was born into the wrong family. They were fast-paced New Yorkers; I, from a young age, dreamed of nothing but moving away and living in some rural paradise with fresh air, a snail's pace of life and quiet, friendly locals. I was kind of a rebel. By the time I met the right man at age 31, my parents didn't care anymore about the Jewish/Gentile issue; they only cared if the man I chose to be with was a good person and not too 'exotic.' At the time I met him in 1988, my husband was a mechanic, and he was from a small town in Texas. His backround was about as far as it could be from mine. Yet, we had the same likes and dislikes, completely compatible personalities and a total attraction to each other. When my family met him, they thought that he was as wonderful as I did. Glad to hear you finally settled down! I figure if I was part of a small minority in a given country, I´d probably marry into the larger community so as to blend in. But since I live in my own country where my ancestors have lived for thousands of years, I feel the right thing is to marry within my ethnicity . I want my children to feel the same sense of continuity and belonging. I am only attracted to Mediterranean women anyway. I agree with Nordicyouth: dating or sleeping around is different from marrying and having kids. I want my kids to look like me and like my countrymen, because I feel I owe it to my ancestors not to break the unending circle called procreation.
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Post by buddyrydell on Apr 15, 2004 15:47:22 GMT -5
Buddyrydell, the question is "where do you draw the line when it comes to not engaging in race mixing?" Do you use a coarse definition of race such as caucasoid, negroid & mongloid, or do you use a much the finer definition of sub-race. On another point, what role does nationality play in dating? Oh I was talking about the bigger picture. Sub-race makes no difference to me as my mother's an Italian-Irish-German mix, among other things, and looks mostly Nordic while my dad's full Italian of Sicilian ancestry and is Mediterranean. I consider myself to be a white Italian-American guy (I look Mediterranean and was also brought up in that cultural environment). But yeah, I'm most comfortable with white females, sub-race or nationality make no difference. I've seen really gorgeous Mediterranean women as well as Nordic or central European. Once again, there are hot women in all races and backgrounds, it's just that interracial dating, as in with say, a black or Asian female, is just not my cup of tea that's all.
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Post by murphee on Apr 15, 2004 19:43:08 GMT -5
I do think I'm a bit of an odd case because though I am a very feminine woman, I have lived and thought more like a man. I have always been steady, not very emotional and the world inside my mind is more focused on historical events and what goes on in the afterlife than my mundane home life or family dynamics. It may have something to do with the fact that I was infertile and even before I found that out in my early twenties, I had decided that child rearing was not for me. Now that I am getting older and going grey, I now even more than before, feel a sense of freedom and endless possibilities in life.
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Post by eufrenio on Apr 16, 2004 7:09:28 GMT -5
I do think I'm a bit of an odd case because though I am a very feminine woman, I have lived and thought more like a man. I have always been steady, not very emotional and the world inside my mind is more focused on historical events and what goes on in the afterlife than my mundane home life or family dynamics. It may have something to do with the fact that I was infertile and even before I found that out in my early twenties, I had decided that child rearing was not for me. Now that I am getting older and going grey, I now even more than before, feel a sense of freedom and endless possibilities in life. I suppose that pretty much cancels out any obligation to posterity!
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Post by murphee on Apr 16, 2004 10:30:06 GMT -5
Sure does! But others have taken care of it. My family is so huge that I've never met most of them. My grandfather had seven brothers and sisters. My brother has four children.
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Post by nobody you know on Apr 16, 2004 17:53:01 GMT -5
I have no problem with it at all, you can't help who you fall in love with.
I think it's stupid to go out with people of another race as a fashion statement tho you should love them for who they are not their colour
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Post by nobody you know on Apr 16, 2004 17:54:52 GMT -5
oh and to the first poster, if you see a woman who you love then regardless of her colour you should go out with her. Who gives a shit about what ppl think? They're not the ones having the relationship, it's you.
Really i do not know what gets people so hung up about it. If you don't find black people attractive dont go out with them, but don't force everyone else not to either
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