Christianity: Roman, Orthodox, Protestant... Judaism gone wrong. Mostly BS. Orthodox is post Nicea, not original. The first Christians were original; no clergy, shared property and social security. Arianism was the best then Christianity went bad. Catholicism is odd: male hierarchy, no sex and guilt trips. Luther, Calvin, Knox etc were abject nutters.
Judaism: No pork, bacon, prosciutto and circumcision. Rather restrictive. Should pay Akhnaten back dues for stealing the one God concept.
Jainism: Inforced vegetarianism. Killing is not perverse, but a part of life. Obsessive about non human lifeforms.
Islam: Thieves. Took most of the Jewish stuff and some Christian stuff. Very proscriptive. Doesn't assimilate and arrogantly foists itself on others. Dangerous and barbaric.
Hinduism: Similar to the original beliefs of Indo-European speakers. A pantheon of gods and a fourfold division of society. In India it went off into divisive and hateful areas.
Buddhism: Hinduism effeminised. Proscriptive about alcohol, sex and normal human behaviour. Accepts contentious Hindu concepts of karma and reincarnation.
Scientology: A bizarre, American bad joke. Founded by a paranoid schizophrenic who was incapable of loving anybody and always had to prove his masculinity by womanising.
Paganism: An insulting reference to the respect of nature and elemental forces. It accepts that humans do not always know the right answers.