Relationships between people in different ethnicit

[zemelmete]

It seems to be worth of discussion.

I saw a special on television about Finnish people. They rarely say "I love you"-- maybe a few times in their lifetimes. When someone is on the deathbed, then a Finn may tell the dying person that he or she loves them.

This is so different than Greeks, and my Greek relatives, particulary my grandparents. When they saw me, they slobbered all over me with kisses and tears. We Greeks constantly use terms of endearment. I can't tell you how many times I've been called "Dinaki mou--my little Dino."

When I was in the Netherlands, I found the Dutch to be very reserved. My friends and I had some difficulty engaging them in conversation. We were polite, not boisterous.

When I was in Greece, my family and I had no problems making friends. Some people invited us to sleep at their houses upon meeting them for the first time.

I never in my life have said "i love you". It is too hard for me. I will say that only for very speacial person. Of course there are people which I love, but i'm not going to say them "I love you". Instead that I show love in other ways - for example in my attitude, in saying something nice etc.
We use terms of endearnent instead of saying "I love you". If somebody is calling me "sunny", "kitty" etc. it means that he/she loves me.

It is very different in different countries/ ethnicities how fast you can make friends. Here, in Latvia, people are quite reserved and they don't really meet you with outspread arms. It takes time until you "brake ice".

[MC anunnaki]

I've said "I love you" many times to my husband and I let my daughter know daily that I love her (I usually say "Mommy loves you more than anything in the world!"). I've also said it to a few friends whom I consider part of my family. I use endearments a lot, especially when talking to my daughter. I have not encountered any Middle Easterners who say "I love you" each and everyday. My mother rarely says it, but she uses a lot of endearments as well.

When it comes to Swedes it all depends on the person. Many are rather introvert, but at the same time, I don't think they have trouble telling say their partner that they love him/her. They're not as introvert as say the Finns.

Many times, I think love is shown best by actions, not words. I don't tell my husband every day that I love him, but he knows I do, otherwise I wouldn't enjoy his company. You know if someone loves you even if that person never says it!

[zemelmete]

Both my parents (one latvian and other khanty) never have said me that they love me, but I know that they do. They have kissed me only in special occasions (for example when I have birthday, when some of them arrive from travelling abroad and we meet in airport etc.). Though my father sometimes fondle my head.
We have quite reserved relationships but it doesn't mean that we have bad relationships. I am big fan of both my parents and i'm really happy that my parents are so nice people.

[Ponto Hardbottle]

Generally speaking it is true that the more northern ethnic groups are reserved compared with the southern ethnic groups. My parents are Swiss and they are definitely not demonstrative in the touching, hugging, kissing way or whispering I love you every so often. Swiss people are not demostrative in that manner. In Switzerland, you use very polite language when you speak to others and the appropriate formal form of You. First name usage is not common, it is usually Mr. M'sieur, Mrs, Madame...not first names. I didn't even know my parents' first names until I was 20. Formality is the rule. In Australia, everyone is quite sickeningly friendly but the bad side of that is that they often do not mean what they say and their actions cannot be trusted. If a Swiss says he is coming over at 10 a.m on wednesday, she does. An Australian will say the same thing and then turn up at any time or not at all. I myself prefer formality and do not like people telling me how much they love me or excessively touching.

[murphee]

I've always said that anyone who has kind, caring parents is lucky. My parents were good, too.
They did tell me that they loved me many times as a child and adult. My husband came from a family that never used that word. They were quiet and reserved, but good people also.

[NuSapiens]

zemelmete said:

It seems to be worth of discussion.


I never in my life have said "i love you". It is too hard for me. I will say that only for very speacial person. Of course there are people which I love, but i'm not going to say them "I love you". Instead that I show love in other ways - for example in my attitude, in saying something nice etc.
We use terms of endearnent instead of saying "I love you". If somebody is calling me "sunny", "kitty" etc. it means that he/she loves me.

This strikes me as bizarre and it took me a long time to understand. And it's quite consistent in this region of Europe. It's so deep that I suspect it's genetic and not just cultural. I've also noticed that people from this region of Europe tend to relate to their emotions in a rather indirect way. They have trouble expressing directly any emotion, not just "I love you," but also "I'm scared," "I'm sad," "I'm happy," etc. It is also people from this region that tends to think emotionally direct/expressive people are irrational, stupid, or inauthentic: perhaps because to them, their own emotions are inaccessible or inscrutable.

On the other hand, Italian neurologists have written books about how emotions are a fundamental component of rational thinking. This just shows that beneath the veneer of common culture and languages, there are deep differences between people. To some people, emotions are an indispensible part of rational thinking and a mark of authenticity.

[Ilmatar]

It's true that Finns rarely tell anyone they love them. It comes easier for us to tell the people that we care about - in case we are talking to our family members, especially to the adult ones - them or that we like them -in case that we are talking to a person we are falling in love with. And I think that it's not just because it's not acceptable to show one's emotions here, but simply because of the larger-than- live meaning the verb "rakastaa" has traditionally in the Finnish language. Somehow verb "to love" has heavier and more defined implications in the Finnish language than in Italian or Spanish, for instance.

[NuSapiens]

Ilmatar said:

It's true that Finns rarely tell anyone they love them. It comes easier for us to tell the people that we care about - in case we are talking to our family members, especially to the adult ones - them or that we like them -in case that we are talking to a person we are falling in love with. And I think that it's not just because it's not acceptable to show one's emotions here, but simply because of the larger-than- live meaning the verb "rakastaa" has traditionally in the Finnish language. Somehow verb "to love" has heavier and more defined implications in the Finnish language than in Italian or Spanish, for instance.

Interesting. Could you explain a bit what rakastaa means to Finns?

Maybe not just the words, but the internal feelings are different.